Late night blogging on tumblr does this to me

also i am so tired of being awkward i know tumblr or just the internet in general tends to glorify socially awkward people but it’s really not even as interesting as it may for some reason seem it is not adorable or quirky in a cool way like in anime or on those romantic comedies with j-lo like it is actually THE MOST annoying thing in my life rn i swear i do something so horrifically stupid and embarrassing every SINGLE time i go out in public and am i proud of it???NO is it fun???HELL FUCKING NO IT IS A PAIN IN THE ASS NO ONE TAKES ME SERIOUSLY LIKE YOU THINK I WOULD LEARN BY NOW HOW TO ACT FUCKING NORMAL BUT NO I ALWAYS STILL COME OFF AS FUCKING WEIRD AND I’M JUST FED UP WITH MY COMPLETE LACK OF SOCIAL AND BODILY GRACES IT IS NOT CUTE AT ALL I SWEAR TO GOD I AM FED UP WITH BEING SUCH A LOSER ALL THE FUCKING TIME LIKE NO MATTER WHERE I GO NO MATTER HOW MUCH I TRY TO BE SURROUNDED BY SOMETHING DIFFERENT IT DOESN’T MATTER COS I NEVER CHANGE AND I WILL CONTINUE TO MAKE THE SAME STORY IN NY AS I HAVE HERE IN VA
THE ENVIRONMENT ISN’T THE PROBLEM I AM THE PROBLEM
I CAN GO WHEREVER I WANT AND STILL BE A GODDAMN TRAIN-WRECK OF A HUMAN BEING
THAT IS MY STORY
AND IT’S ANNOYING I HATE IT GOOD NIGHT